• November 24, 2020

Comparisons: The Silent Joy Thief

 Comparisons: The Silent Joy Thief

Kate; a good friend asked me to accompany her for lunch alongside other friends to a fancy restaurant and my first thought was like hope she is paying because that restaurant’s menu is quite pricy. I spotted Kate and my other friends as I walked into the restaurant. Immediately after we exchanged pleasantries, Kate ordered for champagne and swiftly, another thought flew through my mind… does she not know that this restaurant is quite expensive to dine in? Hope we will not wash the dishes here oh.

To my surprise, Kate announced that she just got a new job, which came with an apartment and a car. We all screamed as we hugged her, now this explained the restaurant and the champagne.

On my way home after our fun lunch experience, I could not help but think I should be the person with the job, the car and the apartment.

What does Kate need an apartment for? After all, she just got engaged and her fiancé is rich, in fact why do all the good things happen to Kate?

I have being hinting Paul to propose to me ever since Kate got engaged yet he is ignoring all the signs or does he want me to buy a ring and propose to him instead? I am an African lady biko, we do not do that. Kate has moved from one job to a better one while I have being taking my CV from one office to another all to no avail, which made me, settle to start my own accessories business. Now, I have no choice than to intensify in my job search because I need to find a better job that Kate.

As I got home I went straight to my mum to complain about how Kate gets everything and I do not and being a true African lady I concluded by saying that Kate had probably taking my good luck.

My mum looked at me, shook her head and asked me a question: Nne! as she fondly calls me, why do you have to compare yourself with Kate?

I paused for a moment, surprised and answered; Mum, I am not comparing myself to Kate.

That is exactly what you are doing my mum replied.

For starters, I know you are not interested in getting married to Paul but I have noticed that after Kate was engaged to her fiancé you started paying more attention to him.

Again, you love accessories and you make a great businessperson, but anytime Kate gets a promotion, you will start looking for a job almost immediately. My dear, you have to walk on your own lane. Focus on your journey. Your journey has to do with what you want and where you want to go. She concluded.

There and then, I realized that I had lived most of my life comparing myself to Kate without fully realizing it.

I discovered that there are good amounts of categories on which we can compare ourselves and there are definitely enough people to compare ourselves to and with how we are occupied by social media, it is easier than ever to constantly find someone “better” to compare ourselves to, which only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves.

Once we begin down that road, we often never find an end.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion but comparison can cause a lot of harm.

  • Comparisons are always unfair because we compare the worst of ourselves to the best of others.
  • Comparisons; by definition, require measurement and good things cannot be measured.
  • Comparisons rob us of precious time because we are focused on someone else ·
  • Your gifts, talents, successes, contributions and value are unique to you and should not compared to someone else’s.
  • Comparisons can result to resentment towards others and towards ourselves.
  • Comparisons deprive us of joy and adds no meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

How to Break the Habit of Comparing Yourself with Others.

Here are some tips:

  • By becoming aware: sometimes we compare ourselves with others without realizing we are doing it. Bring these thoughts to your consciousness by being on the lookout for them and soon enough, it will be hard not to notice them.
  • By counting your blessings and being grateful:Counting your blessing brings your focus to what you have. Sometimes, it is necessary to take time to think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to have the people in your life who care about you because most times we often have a habit of losing things before we appreciate its significance.
  • Focus on your strengths, talents and what you are good at: Use them to your best advantage instead of looking at your weaknesses.
  • Be OK with imperfection: Sometimes, understanding and accepting that no one is perfect helps a great deal. Instead, endeavor to keep improving yourself, but do not think you are a “perfect person”. Your imperfection is what makes you who you are.
  • Do not criticize others just to make yourselves look or feel better: Taking someone else down for your benefit is destructive. Try to support others in their success and it will lead to more success on your part.
  • Focus on the journey: Life is a journey and we are all on a journey; Journey to find something, to become something, to learn, to create and to be more.  Everyone has their own individual journey they are on and it has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go.

If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. You will want more, receive less and lose the little happiness that you may have. Learn to realize that what you have is already enough.

Like a wise person once said: if you have shelter over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and people who love you, you are bless

READ MORE:  https://www.goalcast.com/2017/03/11/reasons-stop-comparing-yourself-others/  and https://www.huffpost.com/entry/comparing-yourself_b_4441288

 

Joy Ilozue

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