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Overcoming Regret

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“Jcee, life has not been fair to me at all, I have prayed and fasted but it seems God is not hearing me” those were the words that first tumbled out of Bisi’s lips after a protracted bout of tears.

Bisi and I have been friends since childhood and we had decided about a year ago to have a girl’s day out. It had been a while since we had one of those and I was really excited but one look at her face and I knew that this plan of ours wasn’t going to be as pleasurable as I had hoped.

She narrated how her hubby wasn’t doing so well at work and how she is trying to see what she can do to support her family. Mind you, this lady I’m talking about is a master degree holder from one of the best universities in the UK; she was even offered a job with the same university because she had a distinction but rather unfortunately, she had to turn it down because she had just gotten engaged and was planning her wedding.

Fast forward to today; she now has three kids and was still looking for a job to support her family.

Right now Jcee, she continued; I am frustrated. I wonder for how long my life would remain like this.

I have tried doing some other types of business but failed. I am not cut out for them.

All I want is a career as a business analyst and I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

I’m so confused; I don’t know what to do.

See, I love my hubby and my kids they mean the world to me but maybe I shouldn’t have turned down that job I got in the UK.

Maybe I should have looked for how to handle the family life and the job, I am just not happy, I deserve better than this. She finished.

After her outburst, Bisi was calm…that was my cue.

In my experience; I started, you cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. Always look at what you have and never look at what you’ve lost because it is already in the past. Remember, Paul in his letter to the Philippians, said: One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead of me.’

Secondly, I don’t know how to help you in your career but one thing I do know is that you want to be a Business Analyst, and that is what you should focus on. Keep Pressing Forward; keep looking for ways, even when there seems to be no way. Take the little steps of today as they make the Giant Steps of tomorrow. The extra energy required to make another effort or try another approach is the secret of winning. Don’t ever give up because once you do, you are practically saying it is over.

Lastly, you need to understand that life doesn’t give you what you deserve; but what you negotiate for. So if you think you deserve to be a business analyst then negotiate for it with all of you. Fight for your dreams and do not get comfortable in mediocrity. Be the boss of your life and do not let regret weigh you down.

Below are three steps that can help you alter your mindset, change your lifestyle and help you to overcome regrets.

Step One: Live in the moments by practicing mindfulness

Live in the present and step out of your imaginary past. Practicing mindfulness which is when you are aware of the present keeps you focused. Mindfulness, if practiced well keeps you from succumbing to thoughts of the past and past decisions.

Step Two: It’s never too late to take action.

Be proactive. Identify and commit to positive actions no matter how much time has passed since your regretful action. You have to keep moving forward. View regret as an opportunity to become better and you will be less likely to dwell on it. Figure out what you need to do to move past your regret. Proactive responses moves you forward while regret is a reactive response that keeps you stuck and in the long run, moves you backward.

Step Three: Learn from your mistakes and moved on.

Learn to reexamine your actions. We are able to know if we have improved ourselves when we periodically take stock of our actions and notice a shift in the results we have and the ones we used to have. Also identify decision that leads to negative action and to avoid a repeat of them.

Few months after we had this chat, she started consulting for a private firm and although it is not where she hoped to be, it was not where she used to be.

She got her turnaround by being proactive and submitting different business proposals to different offices, instead of just applying for a job when there was an opening.

In the future, she intends to have a consulting firm.

This is to encourage all that have slowed down their careers or have put it on hold for whatever reason, we can still have it all if we keep pressing forward with a Positive attitude, which should be our Everyday Attitude.

 

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