“Ding Ding”, my phone chimed. I picked it up and looked at the screen…It was one of my favorite people texting me. A grin formed on my face as I excitedly clicked on the notification to get a full view of the message. I half expected some of the usual banters we threw at each other but this time, it was different. The message read: “Hey Dave, I’m compiling thoughts for an article and I’ll like your contribution on the topic” …ask away Grace; I responded.
“What are your insecurities?” She popped.
“Hmmm…I didn’t see that coming Grace”; I responded. Sure, we had deep talks once in a while but this came out of nowhere. Staring at the message, so many thoughts flooded my mind from so many angles…my body, my relationships, my career, my finances…so many angles all at once. I requested a couple of minutes to digest the question in full before giving a response.
I had to look up the meaning of the word: Insecurities. Dictionary.com defines it in the simplest form as “a lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.”
Reflecting on this definition, I thought to myself. Obviously, my body is not the best I’ve seen…I mean Instagram these days is full of male models who flaunt their well chiseled frame unlike me; my dry-chest, flabby tummy and lean muscles kept reminding me of my procrastination to hit the gym and work out or was it the fact that I had a “tangled” collection of veins almost very obvious on my right leg which most times prevented me from wearing shorts so that people don’t start asking plenty questions.
At least my body may not be perfect but my relationship is…Or is it? Hold on!
My significant other, the only lady apart from my mum that totally gets me even in my darkest moments was stunningly pretty and before I start gloating about of course having great taste and all that, being her partner also comes with a glitch. Occasionally, I worry that we may not eventually end up together and she might meet some other guy who was wealthier and everything I was not (chiseled frame and all that…lol). The thought of this usually made me feel weird and nervous.
“This thing is real…” I thought aloud.
Finances and career; Well, I was doing well for myself. I had a thriving business, an almost steady flow of income, had great contacts and some equally great outfits to look the part…. blah blah blah…Yep, that’s what everyone saw. Deep down, there were days I wasn’t sure of when the next paycheck would come or how to ensure my client stays happy with my company’s work or if I should just go enter a new business foray because it looks promising…ouch, my head hurts; but you know; that’s part of what being an entrepreneur is about sometimes right. Though I maintained a plan that ensured my reserves weren’t easily depleted, I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if it did go down…Would I have to go back to square zero or what…scary stuff.
After bouncing around other areas of my life in about five minutes, I told myself the truth. I had insecurities. Even though I may not admit it outwardly, I see them every day I rise, in my interactions with other people, in my pursuit of happiness and fulfilment but the truth is I’ve been able to get this far because of one thing…Self-awareness.
Socrates said, “Man, know thyself”. It is my honest view that if you truly know yourself; your strengths and your weaknesses, it is easier for you to come to terms with the fact that you have certain imperfections (as I would call it) and also find the best way to improve on them.
My own method was to develop mantras which I remind myself daily to help ease the truth that though I am not yet perfect, I’m well on the journey to perfection. It has worked so far.
Picking up my phone again…I replied Grace, listing some of my insecurities albeit mildly but also listing my resolve to not be defined by them.
We are what we say we are and we are what we do but more often than not, we are a definition of our thoughts. Refine your thoughts from delimiting yourself due to your insecurities to giving yourself a brighter picture and soon enough your insecurities will begin to give way to positivity, acceptance and more rewarding thoughts.